Pointless and temporary? I think not

Ever since I learned how to write it’s been my inseparable companion, my consolation, my joy and my mirror image. I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. However, inviting others to my writing is petrifying. This fear is like a double-edged sword. Since my writing is so intimately connected to my self, who I AM, every time I publish a text on my blog it’s as if the ones reading it can gaze deep down into my soul. It’s like doing a biopsy.  Letting a piece of myself go, I stand exposed and revealed. The person reading it can take this piece and do whatever they want with it. No matter how trivial the subject is; for a person who is very secretive it is an immense challenge allowing others to read and interpret your texts. Additionally, I’m meticulous about the way I express myself. No text is released without extreme scrutiny. But here comes the paradox.  At the same time as I don’t want people to get to know me I’m also afraid that they won’t understand me well enough. Not only do I let a piece of myself go, I also run the risk of people missing out on the details of what I’m saying, thus losing the whole point. I want my words to have the effects of a natural disaster, where the reader just can't avoid being hit. (Quite megalomaniac, I know.)  As a result of this it's very hard to accept the thought of a lukewarm reaction to my texts. As I once said: either let me be an exclamation mark in your life or a blank space. The worst thing I can be is a parenthesis; something that's there but that you might as well could cut out; pointless and temporary. Obviously I understand that this is not how it really works: I can’t control people’s reactions and some of them will actually be apathetic. Nevertheless, it doesn’t change the way I feel about releasing my texts. Furthermore it also discloses a whole lot of my preferences. It's true that I have very little tolerance for indifference and tend to favor people who have opinions, strong likes and dislikes. 

I'll always be hesitant about pressing the "publish" button, but in allowing others to have a share of my thoughts I also allow myself to be more free, realizing that I cannot and should not try to control everything. Having said this I really appreciate everyone who reads my blog and I am very thankful for all of your comments. If I can just touch one person’s mind & heart with my words I am content. There’s nothing more fulfilling than the interchange of words, ideas and emotions.